How Love Survives Distance, Culture Clashes, and Even Costco Parmesan
Love, Pasta, Wine & Lessons from a Cross-Cultural Romance
Whenever my husband, Marco, and I meet new people or reunite with friends from years past, they inevitably want to know how we met. Afterall, it’s not every day that a woman from Southern California and a man from an Italian island in the middle of the Mediterranean happen to meet, fall in love, and intertwine their lives. While I enjoy telling that story because it’s a good one (read it here if you’d like), in my humble opinion the much more interesting side of our story is how we’ve managed to navigate a cross-cultural relationship over the last 6.5 years.
Between meeting my future in-laws (and later living with them) when we didn’t speak the same language, months of separation living on opposite sides of the world thanks to untimely covid lockdowns, nearly a year apart because of green card visa delays, and just navigating the growing pains of long term relationships we all inevitably confront, it certainly hasn’t been easy. BUT it has most definitely been worth it.
So, in honor of Valentine’s Day arriving later this week, I thought I’d share five lessons from my cross-cultural relationship that can hopefully help or inspire you in some way, shape, or form. Here we go! In no particular order…
1. Love is choosing each other again and again… and again…and again…
Once upon a time, I believed in soulmates. That there was one special person out there just for me who I’d mesh well with intrinsically. We’d share the same values and beliefs, have a shared vision for our life, things would just click and it would just feel right. If I focused on becoming the person I wanted to be and living an aligned life that’s true to me, then that person would find me and we could live “happily ever after.”
Although much of this rings true for our relationship, my belief about soulmates has changed. I don’t believe there’s one person out there with whom a relationship just magically clicks and works forever. A healthy, loving, lasting relationship asks that both people choose each other over and over again. Through all of the trials and tribulations they’re bound to face as a couple and individually, because that’s just life. That’s what we’ve done through everything life has thrown at us over these last few years and that is the singular reason we’ve been able to make it work and combine two lives from opposite sides of the world.
2. Love is not easy, but it’s definitely worth it.
As a woman who was once a young girl, I can attest to the fact that we were constantly fed this idea that falling in love will fix everything. Whether it was all the Disney princess movies us millennials grew up with or the societal norm of marriage, it was undeniably there. Yet where are all the Disney movies that teach us that falling in love (and more importantly staying in love) will require us to fall in love with ourselves first, to grow, to confront aspects of ourselves we’d perhaps otherwise avoid, to compromise or in some cases sacrifice, and to do so willingly in order to create something even better than you originally imagined.
Our society today is so fast, so focused on that immediate dopamine dose, demanding quick and easy results or else. But that’s not what love (or life) is all about. In my experience, like most great things in life, true love requires good old fashioned work. You might be thinking, well, that’s not romantic. Honestly though, it is because you can’t understand the depth of love you’re capable of giving and receiving until you put in that work, baby.
3. A shared vision for life will carry you through life’s storms.
Let’s be real here, life gets tough. You’re bound to be pulled in different directions. Unless you have a shared vision for life that you’re both invested in, it’s not unheard of that life can pull you apart. For Marco and I, yes, we have our Sardinian vineyard and winery that we’re both invested in making a reality. But it’s not just the vineyard and winery. We share a vision for how we want to live, the family we want to have, values we both aim to live in alignment with, and countless other things. I believe this shared vision has kept us together through challenges we’ve faced throughout the years which were out of our control.
4. Love is capable of breaking down all barriers.
Allow me to let you in on a little secret. When Marco and I met, he barely spoke English and I only had a few words of Italian under my belt from my semester abroad. Yet somehow we hit it off just the same. We used Google translator when needed, but we really just weirdly understood each other somehow and our relationship blossomed. Then, four months in before we ventured off to Australia together to work a harvest, I headed to Sardinia to meet his parents who do not speak or understand a word of English. We stayed with them for a month around Christmas and it was a beautiful experience, but also quite challenging.
I hadn’t needed to “meet the parents” in years, let alone parents who I couldn’t easily communicate with. Needless to say, after Marco’s mom refused to even make eye contact with me for the first week because she was so shy about the situation, I finally got her to open up thanks to our shared love of cooking! I have so many stories about beautiful experiences and lessons learned thanks to our cross-cultural relationship, but for now suffice it to say that love conquers all, no joke.
5. Love thrives on laughter and adventure.
If there has been one constant, ok two constants throughout the course of our relationship, they have to be laughter and adventure. We love exploring together, both traveling to and living in other countries around the world. And we’re always having fun. Laughter is the best medicine, as they say, and couples that can have fun together like when they first met are built to stand the test of time.
A Simple Pasta for Date Night: Cacio e Pepe
On our first date, Marco cooked me cacio e pepe and after that first creamy bite of pasta, I was sold. Both on his cooking abilities and the possibility of a great relationship ;). It was incredible and it wasn’t even an authentic recipe. We had a big thing of grated parmesan from Costco, which Marco’s Italian brain couldn’t even comprehend. Yet he cooked up a memorable meal nonetheless.
The secret to making a truly great cacio e pepe lies in getting the right starch content in your pasta water. Authentic recipes don’t include butter and just involve melting pecorino cheese in splashes of pasta water to make a rich, smooth pecorino sauce flavored with pepper. Here’s a good recipe for cacio e pepe from Great Italian Chefs in case you want to recreate it for Valentine’s Day. Follow these tips from Food & Wine, too.
Delectable Wine Pairings for Cacio e Pepe
Since cacio e pepe is a creamy pasta recipe with rich savoriness from the pecorino cheese and a subtle kick from the pepper, you’ll want a fresh wine that’s not too bold with bright acidity to balance the rich, cheesy flavor.
White Wines
Verdicchio – Crisp acidity and a slightly nutty character help cut through the richness.
Soave – Light, citrusy, and mineral-driven, perfect for balancing the salty cheese.
I love this Suavia Monte Carbonare Soave Classico.
Chablis – A lean, mineral-driven Chardonnay with a touch of salinity complements the Pecorino.
Sparkling Wines
Franciacorta or Champagne – The bubbles cleanse the palate, making each bite feel fresh.
Prosecco – A lighter, fruitier option that still has good acidity.
Red Wines
Chianti Classico – Its high acidity and earthy notes work surprisingly well with the dish.
Pinot Noir – A lighter-bodied Pinot with good acidity can complement the pepper spice without overwhelming the dish.
Wild Card Pairing
Lambrusco – Lightly sparkling, slightly fruity, and with good acidity, it’s a fun, unexpected pairing that works!
A Fun Yet Sexy & Slightly Sweet Wine That’s Perfect for Valentine’s Day: Brachetto d’Acqui
Meet Brachetto d’Acqui—one of Italy’s best sweet wines, perfect for both desserts and unexpected savory pairings. Though sweet, it’s never cloying, making it a fantastic match for berry-based treats, spicy dishes, and even barbecue.
Where It’s Made
Brachetto d’Acqui hails from Piemonte, Italy, specifically the Acqui Terme zone in Alessandria. This region, known for Barolo and Barbaresco, boasts a continental climate with Mediterranean and Alpine influences. The warm days and cool nights enhance the grape’s natural sweetness while preserving its vibrant aromatics.
How to Pronounce It
Brah-keh-toe dah-kwee
Brachetto d’Acqui DOCG: Three Styles
Established in 1996, the DOCG regulates three styles:
Red wine – Low in residual sugar, slightly effervescent (frizzante).
Spumante – Sparkling wine made via the Charmat method.
Passito – The rarest style, made from dried grapes for a richer, sweeter wine (11% ABV).
Fermentation is halted early to retain natural sweetness and aromas, thanks to Brachetto’s high sugar content and terpene-rich profile.
Tasting Notes
This ruby-red sparkler is known for its floral and red berry aromas—think roses, violets, strawberries, and raspberries. With its low alcohol and balanced sweetness, Brachetto d’Acqui is best enjoyed young, within two years of bottling.
Where to Buy
Brachetto d’Acqui is widely available despite being lesser-known. A quick search on Wine Searcher will lead you to top producers.
My favorite is Marenco Pineto—bursting with raspberry, rose petals, and strawberry Jolly Rancher notes. Its light effervescence makes it irresistibly elegant.
Brachetto d’Acqui vs. Lambrusco
Though both are Italian red sparklers, Brachetto is sweeter, fruitier, and floral, while Lambrusco varies from dry to sweet with more tannins. The latter comes from Emilia-Romagna and is produced in multiple styles, sometimes using the Champagne method.
Perfect Pairings
Since sweet wines pair best with equally sweet foods, Brachetto d’Acqui shines with:
🍓 Berry Desserts – Strawberry tarts, blueberry pie, chocolate-covered strawberries, or chocolate truffles
🌰 Nutty Treats – Pecan pie, caramel nut tarts, hazelnut cake (torta di nocciole)
🍜 Asian Cuisine – Pad Thai, Kung Pao chicken, Teriyaki dishes
🌶 Spicy Foods – Chicken Tikka Masala, flavorful curries
🔥 Barbecue – BBQ ribs, pulled pork with sweet-savory sauce
🧀 Cheese – Gorgonzola, aged Gouda, Havarti, Fontina
How to Serve
Serve Brachetto d’Acqui chilled in a medium-bowl glass to fully appreciate its vibrant aromatics.
This playful, aromatic wine is perfect for those who love a touch of sweetness in their glass without overpowering the palate. Whether paired with dessert, spicy dishes, or just good company, Brachetto d’Acqui is a fun, romantic, and versatile choice.